The 6 Biggest Skin-Care Mistakes

By Leslie Baumann, M.D. Provided by:
The Skin Guru
The 6 Biggest Skin-Care Mistakes Posted Fri, Dec 19, 2008, 2:33 pm PST

If there's one thing I stress to my patients, it's that great skin doesn't require spending a fortune on some "miracle cream" made from rare seaweed from the Arctic Circle! It's all about simple good habits. But let's approach those habits from the opposite direction: What are the most damaging bad habits that I see time and time again?

1. Using a cleanser with harsh detergents: Many people assume that the suds of their vigorously foaming cleanser are a good sign -- surely they'll leave skin extra clean. Unfortunately, copious suds are generally a sign that your cleanser contains a harsh detergent, like lauryl sulfate, that strips skin of vital lipids. (And don't get me started on bar soap -- that is always a no-no.) Instead, look for cleansers that contain fatty acids and will actually fortify your skin, like Dove's ProAge products, or even simple cold cream. If you have particularly dry skin, I recommend cleansing oils, which remove dirt and makeup without disturbing your skin's natural protective barrier.

2. Not using a retinoid: Retinol, a form of vitamin A, is the only topical ingredient proven not only to prevent lines and wrinkles but to minimize the ones you already have. Past the age of 30, I recommend seeing a dermatologist for a higher-concentration prescription retinoid (like Retin-A, Differin, or Tazorac, for example), but there are also many great over-the-counter creams that contain lower concentrations of retinol. I like Roc Retinol Correxion Deep Wrinkle Night Cream, Neutrogena Healthy Skin Night Cream, and SkinCeuticals Retinol 1.0.

3. Spending too much on skin care: Splurging on the beautiful packaging and luxurious scents of pricey boutique skin care lines can feel wonderfully pampering -- provided you know that it's absolutely not necessary for great skin. In fact, many of my favorite products are made by drugstore brands, because those companies have the large budgets for top-notch research and development. If you have to choose, put your money toward that prescription retinoid, and buy the rest of your regimen at the drugstore.

4. Getting facials: Yes, that's right -- you can strike facials from your skin-care budget and actually be doing your skin a favor! Studies show that as many as 80% of people break out after a facial. Aestheticians often don't know which products are right for the skin of each client, and may use ingredients that can worsen acne, or essential oils that tend to irritate sensitive skin. Even if you don't break out, there are really no long-term benefits to facials.

5. Washing your face at the wrong time: Always wash your face after you rinse out your hair products and conditioner in the shower, never before. Many conditioners contain pore-clogging isopropyl myristate and other hair products often contain coconut oil -- both are common acne-causing ingredients that you don't want to leave on your skin.

6. Not using sunscreen every day: Not just for your trip to the beach. Not just during the long summer days. Every day. Yes, it's important to be even more vigilant if you plan to spend lots of time in direct sunlight. But incidental sun exposure typically accounts for more of our lifetime exposure to ultraviolet rays than those days at the beach. Walking to and from your car, dashing out of the office for a sandwich, or sitting outside for a few minutes adds up -- make sure you're covered with at least SPF 15, every day.

Wishing you great skin!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Dr. Baumann is author of the best-selling book, " The Skin Type Solution." To learn more about her revolutionary skin typing system, visit her Web site, SkinTypeSolutions.com.
All of Dr. Baumann's recommended skin care products are available online, and a portion of proceeds goes to The Dermatology Foundation.

Why Do I Get Jealous?

How to control the green-eyed monster

By Dr. Scott Haltzman

hitchedmag.com

Updated: Jan 29, 2008

Question: Why do I get so jealous when my partner talks to other people?

Answer: When you first connected with your partner and looked into their eyes, it felt like he or she was the only person in the room. As you get deeper into your relationship and call yourselves a couple, the realization hits you: You and your partner are not alone on this planet. There are others! Are they a threat?

When we are in a committed relationship, we assume the connection we have with each other will be strong enough to fend off outside threats. In some ways, this you-belong-to-me-and-I-belong-to-you mentality is sweet; it's the stuff of pop songs and poetry. But sometimes the intensity of that connection is too strong.

When one partner sees everyone whom his or her partner comes into contact with as a potential threat, it is a sign that jealousy has taken hold. Shakespeare called it "the green-eyed monster," and once it gets a hold of your relationship, it sinks its teeth in and can rip it apart.

What causes jealousy?
If you've got strong feelings of jealousy, it's probably a sign that you don't have enough trust in your partner that he or she is being faithful to you. That lack of trust may be prompted by one of four factors.

- You may feel insecure about your self-worth. In these cases, either you've been raised to believe, or some part of your inner self feels, that you just don't measure up. Because you don't love yourself, you can't believe that others would love you, so you live in fear that your partner's "true" feelings will be revealed and she will leave.

- You're prone to cheating on your partner -- maybe even have done so. Knowing what you're capable of, you project that behavior onto your partner.

- You and your partner haven't yet figured out how to establish safe boundaries within the relationship. Having a tight bond is about building walls around your love with windows that allow others to be part of it -- not doors where competing lovers can walk right in and disrupt your home. Because you don't know what's permissible within the relationship and what's not, you're constantly on your toes.

- Your mate is cheating on you. Cheating doesn't have to include sex; it often has to do with making emotional connections to others outside the relationship. If your partner is sharing things about your private life with attractive members of the opposite sex, it robs a sense of intimacy from your relationship and leaves you feeling vulnerable.

Knowing the factors that lead to jealousy is an important first step to getting things fixed.
Put your focus on building trust. If you've got some growing up to do, therapy may help. Both of you have to learn how to set boundaries in the relationship. That requires respecting your mate's definition of limits of outside relationships from the start.

Over time, as trust builds, you and your partner can redefine what feels safe for the relationship. After all, when you've got a great relationship, you want to share it with the world.

Inside the male mind

What he texts, what he means.

By Victoria Lucia

Your phone beeps with a new text from the guy you're seeing. Sweet! But while reading the message, excitement turns into confusion as you think what the hell does he mean? To save you from standing around and scratching your head all day, we rounded up some common messages and figured out their real meanings.

He texts: We should go out sometime.

He means: I dig you, but I'm not sure if you like me yet.
"He's tentatively reaching out since he's not suggesting a specific time," says Kristina Grish, author of The Joy of Text. "He's testing the waters without risking rejection."

He texts: I had fun 2nite.

He means: I want to see you again.
Clearly, you rocked because he totally did not have to send this text. "A guy won't think to do a follow-up unless he's really into you and wants to make it happen again," says dating coach Liz Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting. "Plus, the fact that he's texting you immediately after the date, as opposed to waiting a few days, says that he's not afraid to show his feelings."

He texts: What u wearing?

He means: Let's have a naughty exchange.
This guy, whether it's a new dude or your long-term beau, is up for some R-rated fun (even swapping sexy photos), and this line puts the dirty-banter ball in your court. "He wants to see if you'll volley back with something a little playful and provocative or just shut him down," says Kelly. But play it coy (for instance, nix the nude photos). "Depending on the guy," says Kelly, "being too over the top could backfire."

He texts: What u up 2 L8R?

He means: Wanna meet up and go home together?
Chances are you've received this between 8 and 10 in the evening. "It's probably a mass text, which is sent to every potential hook-up in his phone," says Grish. "He knows that not everyone will reply, but based on the ones who do, he'll have a better sense of who's around." This playboy will keep in touch throughout the night and whittle down his hook-up options.

He texts: Been busy at work.

He means: I'm over it.
Sorry, but if you reached out and this is what landed in your in-box, say days or weeks later, he's just not feelin' it. In fact, he's blowing you off. "Everyone's cell phone is practically glued to their bodies," says Herring. "Nobody is ever too busy to send a five-second reply."

45 Universal Truths About Men

By: Bob Grant, L.P.C. “The Relationship Doctor”

1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.
2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.
4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.
6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.
8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.
10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.
11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.
14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.
15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.
17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a girl.
18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.
19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.

21. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?
22. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
23. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
24. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
25. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.
26. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..
27. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me what to stop giving them.

28. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
29. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.
30. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
31. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – Go with my actions, that will always tell you what’s in my heart.
32. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).
33. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.
34. If I don’t share what I’m thinking it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.
35. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.

36. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.
37. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.
38. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
39. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
40. It isn’t how much you weigh; it’s that your body is proportionate which is so attractive.
41. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).
42. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.
43. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
44. I don’t remember everything about our relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
45. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.

Why Are You Single?

Get over your obstacles and find love...by Jennifer Good

So here you are spending another Sunday morning alone instead of cozying up sharing breakfast in bed with your special someone. Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why? I'm not referring to the rhetorical questions you throw out in the midst of singlehood despair. If you dig a little deeper you might just find a way to break through and realize your dreams of happily ever after.

Below are few of the most common scenarios of why people haven't found love. If any strike a chord follow the advice given. If not, take some time for honest self-discovery and find out what's blocking you.

1. Too busy to even think about love.

With all of life's demands these days, taking time to find a partner can seem incredulous. Instead, learn to play smart. Make a list of traits you'd like a potential partner to have. Create a list of things you offer and can bring to a relationship. Then, figure out a few places where you'd find the most people with the similar traits you listed. For instance, a golf club, a running group, etc. In addition to this, try an online dating service such as Kiss.com. Just use the information you already created to make your profile!

2. Too scared of heartbreak.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes we end up failing before we even get our foot in the door. This is most likely to happen when we dwell on what could happen instead of allowing things to just occur naturally. Don't fixate on the negative otherwise it will be sure to happen. Relax, trust yourself and know that no matter what you go through it will always be something you can handle.

3. No one has met my criteria yet.

Making a list of traits you wish your potential partner to have is something I continually advise. But, like many things there can be a downfall to it. If your list is filled with too many specific traits, such as they must make X amount of dollars a year or they must be from a certain city, you're going to find it difficult to meet anyone. Don't get too carried away, and allow yourself to be open to new experiences. There is something to be said about the old truth of opposites attracting.

4. I couldn't miss the Friday Night TV Movie Special!!

How often do you actually get out to try and meet new people? You're not going to get anywhere if you're sitting at home avoiding the inevitable. If confidence is a factor, do something for yourself. Start a new workout program, get a new hairstyle, or buy a few new clothes. Take some time out to improve yourself. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, but you'll find yourself more attractive to other people just because of your attitude shift.

5. I'm still in love with my ex.

How can you create a future with someone if you're too busy looking at the past? There are three outlooks to anything - the past, the present and the future. Anytime you overly focus on one outlook the others start to dwindle away. Each day spent avoiding the others is a day wasted. Do whatever it is you need to do to get over it, and move on. Life is full of surprises, twists and turns. It is not an easy, straight path. Let go of your past so you can see what is in store for you just around the corner.

What A Man Really Wants

by Tom McKnight

Though primarily addressed to the women, most men who happen to feel drawn to read this article will find themselves doing so with a touch of curiosity. Of course, they think they already know what a man wants and are curious as to whether I am going to say something different or not.

They think a man wants a good looking woman. Foremost, last and always. And though, as a man, I know where they're coming from, what a man is really looking for is something much deeper than that. He is wanting something to reassure him that he is an alright guy, that he is an okay person, that he is worth something.

In short, what a man really wants is validation.

He seeks this in many ways, a primary vehicle of which is his relationship with women. Something instinctive tells him that she can make him alright. Whether it be by how pretty a woman he can keep at his side, or by the scorecard of how many women he has vanquished in some romantic fashion, he sometimes goes through an entire lifetime attempting to feel good about himself through having relationships with women.

Harvey
In the classic movie taken from the play Harvey, with Jimmy Stewart, there is a scene in which a very rigid psychiatrist, Dr. Willie Chumley, begins to let down his emotional defenses and reveal his true desires in life. He said if his fondest wish were to come true, it would be to just lie in his comfortable chair for hours and have some compassionate female simply rubbing his head, saying over and over, "Poor boy!"

The humor in the character is the fact that there is a little bit of Dr. Chumley in every man. Down deep he wants to be unconditionally loved just like a little boy by a perfect, loving mother.

Pride, of course, causes that vulnerability to be hidden as a man grows from childhood into manhood. First it is hidden from others and then at last it is hidden from himself, but it is still there waiting to be discovered.

Meanwhile, man begins to seek some sort of gratification as a substitute for this missing unconditional love from a source he can look up to, and he usually turns to those substitutes that never quite fill him up, emotionally speaking. There is always something lacking, or as the Rolling Stones have said and capitalized on, he "can't get no satisfaction."

The Key to Winning a Man's Heart
But the fact remains, he is vulnerable, very vulnerable. And for that wise woman who understands this it provides an opening to secure the man of her choice like spearing fish in a barrel!

You see, most men going around trying to sport a good looking woman on their arm, or keeping lists of their female conquests, for one reason and one reason alone: It gives them a sense of validation and being worth something, and that is a feeling they desperately feel the need for.

The only problem is, this kind of validation is temporary and fleeting and, like a drug or alcohol, only leaves him feeling empty and in need of another fix as soon as a little time has gone by.

Man's greatest vulnerability is not a physical need, but a psychological one. It is the need to be loved, but not just loved by anyone - to be loved by someone he senses is emotionally independent and strong. This kind of love is validating and worthwhile.

So, if you as a woman wish to stand out and make a difference to the man of your dreams you have to make up your mind not to be weak. You must demonstrate in your every action that, though you may derive great enjoyment and fulfillment in the company of the man you want, you still have the capacity to survive very well and go on with your life and be happy without him if he ever takes you for granted or misuses you.

A man may think he needs a bimbo by his side to show off to the other guys, but in his heart he knows he's perpetrating a fraud. She may help him make the other guys jealous, evoking a kind of prideful satisfaction in one way on his part, but in his heart he knows she's not what he really wants or needs. He's compromised for this because he's lacking the real thing he wants.

No, what a man really wants is a woman who loves him in spite of himself, but won't put up with his bull.

Validate Your Man
Here are several key points to remember, in trying to bring true love into your life and into the life of the man you choose:

Come to terms with the fact that you don't need anyone to be happy in your life. You may want someone very badly, but in the end you must come to accept the reality that you will always somehow survive if it doesn't happen and you will make the best of what life gives you. Make up your mind that you will not ever tolerate being disrespected, disregarded, misused, abused, or used in any fashion whatsoever. You need not revile against someone who so treats you, but you definitely make your absence felt in their life when they do so. Be reserved in the love you shower upon your man. You may bestow limited tokens of cherishing, but if they are not reciprocated in quantity and kind, back off or your love will become less and less appreciated and ultimately despised.

Learn to listen objectively, and to reflect feelings expressed by him without advising, criticizing, or trying to change him. Don't even offer too much sympathy, lest it be quickly taken for granted. Don't be afraid to be without him for extended periods of time. When he is out of your life, make sure that your life is as happy and productive and fruitful as it ever is when he's around. At the same time, don't throw out a welcome mat that says, "Walk On Me!" the minute he starts coming back around. Show pleasure to see him again, but be restrained.

Conclusion
In essence, then, you have it in your power to calm your troubled man like a little boy in his mother's arms. Therein lies what a man really wants: a Woman who nurtures him but who he can look up to and knows won't take any of his guff.

Be caring, but be strong. Therein lies the key to fulfilling a man's heart. You may wonder why I'm so concerned about meeting the man's needs and not yours, but that's another article. If he isn't fulfilling your needs you're definitely choosing the wrong man.

But if you've got the right man and you become What He Really Wants, such a love must be clung to with all the strength you can muster. For such a love is attainable, but rare in this world of ours.

Three little words

It's not just how you say it but when ...

Recently a woman wrote to me about her boyfriend. She said he was sweet, loving, thoughtful, the perfect guy for her in every way. He brought her flowers, called her a couple of times a day, rubbed her back when they watched movies, and brought her alphabet soup and Meg Ryan flicks when she had the flu.

In fact, not even a night spent on the bathroom floor or a week in the same ratty flannel pajamas seemed to put him off in the least. She felt adored, cherished and cared for. There was just one tiny little thing: After a year of dating, he had never told her he loved her.

Do actions speak louder than words? We'd all like to have the fully-loaded love package complete with fabulous sex, total trust, compatible taste in restaurants and movies, and a deep spiritual connection. In an either/or situation, most people would rather be with someone who shows them love every day with gestures of kindness and affection than with a person who says 'I love you, baby' at every juncture and then puts the moves on their best friend the minute they're out of earshot.

How important are those three little words? April Masini, better known as "The New Millennium's Dear Abby" says: "The first thing that mothers and fathers say to their babies, usually at birth, is 'I love you.' For the next year those are probably the most repeated words that any baby hears. It's no wonder that these imprinted words offer the promise of soothing, unconditional love and comfort to adults."

Some research suggests that men know whether or not they're going to fall in love with someone fairly quickly — usually after about three dates, while women take a bit longer, reserving judgment until the 14th date. Hardly anyone expects to hear the three magic words after just a few weeks, but generally, by the two-month mark, at least one partner has begun to think about the 'L' word, and by six months, both partners have likely given the matter some thought. (Which could explain why most breakups occur at the three-to-five month mark: 'Um, I've been thinking about whether or not I love you, and I don't.')

This seems to be just about the time when the couple starts feeling a little pressure to either say it (usually men) or hear it (usually women.) By the one-year mark, nearly everybody feels under the love gun, and even if all other areas of the relationship are going well, the mere absence of those three little words can gnaw away at a relationship like some sort of romance-eating bacteria.

And if it only takes a few weeks or months before you feel it, why does it sometimes take forever to say it? According to Dr. Erik Fisher and Steve Sharp, authors of The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict, "The reason people withhold is to not appear weak. Men are more commonly socialised to view love as a weakness or a trap. So they may act flippantly or sarcastically when they really love someone instead of risking the appearance of weakness."

The authors also say, "If someone says they love us, we may believe that we owe them something in return." Or, 'if I share these words with someone, I may feel that I now owe them a commitment.'

So maybe it hits you on the seventh date that you have, indeed, fallen in love, and you decide to take the plunge and share your feelings.

According to Masini, "Once the words are spoken, the speaker is going to be waiting to see if the silent one will say it back. This will go on until it's said — or the anxiety and discomfort between you gets so focused on whether the one who says it has too many expectations or the one who doesn't say it isn't truly committed."

And, whether it was in the third grade under the disco ball at the Rollerama or just last week, most of us have experienced that oh-so-horrifying moment when we finally gather up the nerve and tell someone we love them, only to hear the response, ' ... Uh, thanks.'

Other than the obvious, 'I love you too,' Masini says there are a number of appropriate responses if you're not quite sure what to do:

1. Say nothing and smile, appreciatively.

2. Say, 'I wasn't expecting that, but I'm delighted. I hope you can give me a little time to sort my own feelings out as clearly as you have.'

3. Say, 'I don't know if I feel the same way.'

If you're the one who offers up your heart (and those three little words) and your one-and-only is still not saying he/she loves you back three-to-six months after you first say it, Masini suggests, 'you take your love elsewhere.'

Only you can decide if saying 'I love you' is the most important aspect of your relationship, the least important, or somewhere in between. And while there are commonalities regarding what many people believe about how a relationship should progress, the truth is, every couple is different.

Barbara Wright Abernathy, author of Venus on Top offers this final bit of wisdom: "My husband says 'I love you' nearly every day, but the three little words that really turn me on are when he says, 'Honey, you're right.'"